Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
