i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
