I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
