my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
