Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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