ugly people sure do ruin things
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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