i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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