i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
