HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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