Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
