She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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