I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
