I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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