The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We have so much sex to catch up on
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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