I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize