also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
