if i can run in heels then i can drive
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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