We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
