why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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