If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
