CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
