It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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