at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
