I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
