He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
