On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
