I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
