there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I want to be your penis for a week.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize