hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
