I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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