i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize