It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
