I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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