I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
