Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
