The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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