We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
