i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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