hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
