im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize