i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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