Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
