just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need to calm my uterus...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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