Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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