It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
