the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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