i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
