How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
