wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
