Welp...herpes.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
