I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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