woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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