So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
