I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
