We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
