I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
