The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
