So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
