I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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