On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
