Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
