I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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