Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
