It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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