Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
