You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
