Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
