This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
