Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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