It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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