One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
