Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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